Thursday, October 25, 2012

Gramps & NaNo

Last time I blogged here I shared that my Grandpa wasn’t doing so hot.  He managed to hang in there a while longer but last week on Wednesday he did finally die.  It was a bittersweet situation because of course it was sad to have to let him go, but I was also really glad to know that he wasn’t going to suffer anymore and therefore we weren’t going to suffer anymore either.
His last five days were rough.  They started out on a Saturday morning when my mom woke me up at six am because she was pretty sure he was going to die.  I wrote a blog post about that day on my own blog: Getting Close.  After that he sort of bounced back and forth between us literally thinking he was going to die within minutes to him cracking jokes and being his goofy self.  The last day and a half was the worst though when his breathing pattern was seven breaths in 42 seconds followed by a full minute of not breathing.  He was pretty much in a coma at that point although because he was at home it wasn’t diagnosed as a coma by a doctor.  But finally on October 17th around 1:00 p.m. he finally let go.
I always thought that seeing a dead body in my home and experiencing a death like that would freak me the hell out.  But after sitting next to him waiting for it to happen for days and getting only 3 hour blocks of sleep every so often, it just seemed natural.  We’d sat there so many times thinking that he was going to die and then he didn’t that when it finally happened it was like, “Wow… okay, it finally happened.” 
I haven’t written anything since I wrote that last blog post, but since Gramps died writing has definitely been on my mind.  I’ve been reading a lot which always gets me in the mood to write.  My characters are also popping up in random places showing me that they’re almost ready to play again, so that’s good.
With NaNoWriMo right around the corner I’m faced with the dilemma of to NaNo or not to NaNo?  The last time I participated was in 2010 and I’m still working on that story, slowly but surely. I didn’t even attempt it last year because Gramps had just moved in with us and I didn’t think it would be fair to my mom to spend that first month up in my bedroom trying to write a book in thirty days. 
I remember thinking a few weeks back that there’s no way I could do NaNo this year unless Gramps died before November.  But here we are just a week away from November and he’s gone so I really could give it a try without feeling guilty that I should be doing something else.  Of course, my ongoing problem with NaNo is always that I can’t think of a plot before November and then when the month begins I get seriously blocked.  But I also tend to wait until a few days before NaNo starts to think about plot ideas so I’m actually ahead of the game right now.  LOL  Plus I’ll be attending the GRRWG conference next weekend too which will hopefully shine some motivation in my direction.
So I guess what I’m saying is that yeah, I’m going to attempt NaNo again this year.  I think I owe it to myself to do it, and maybe even to Gramps too.  Who knows, maybe I’ll write about a crazy 97.5 year old guy who lives with his granddaughter, thinks facial hair means a guy has something to hide, and loves Filet-O-Fish sandwiches.  :)
RIP, Gramps!

4 comments:

Bronwyn Green said...

I'm so sorry about your loss, honey. But I'm glad he's not suffering anymore. And I'm glad that you're looking forward to NaNo - I think it'll likely be a great outlet for you. :)

Patricia Kiyono said...

Grandpa sounds like he was a wonderful man, and the hole in your heart will never go away. But I agree with Bronwyn, Nano is a great opportunity to let off some steam. I think it's what he'd want you to do. My condolences.

Kelsey St. James said...

Thanks, Bron and Patricia! :) Hugs to you both.

J.C. Hanks said...

I never met him, and yet I absolutely love him! Reminds me of my grandfather whom I loved as dearly. He was 98 and a funny "old fart". Make him a character in your story! Mine's the basis of a character in one of my books,and I'm sure it makes him laugh on the other side. It does get a bit easier, but you never really stop missing them.