Friday, March 9, 2012

Yahoo Personals Bring Out the Real Yahoos - Sidney's Misadventures in Dating

I'll admit it, I'm not getting any younger. I was sitting in bed one night commiserating about being single. In July, I'll be four years from the big 4-0. Then I realized that over fifteen years of dating, whether it be through an online service, a blind date, or a chance meeting, some of my worst dating experiences have helped me realize being single isn't that darn bad. And some of the stories are funny, to boot. I've decided to start sharing some of them here.

So here's the first installment!

Yahoo Personals Brings Out the Real Yahoos!

I posted my first online personal ad well over 15 years ago. Wow! I was totally excited that there were now places that allowed you to post an online personal ad for free! Free being the optional word. I posted a cute little write-up and one of my best photos. Imagine my delight when actual men started replying to my ad.

Bachelor number One. For anonymity’s sake, we’ll call him John. John looked good on paper. Then again, they all pretty much do. He had a decent photo. The occupation he had listed was nice too. I met up with John at a restaurant in the Easttown area of Grand Rapids. John wasn’t a bad guy. He was friendly. He had a bit of stuttering problem. Maybe he was just nervous. I don’t know. However, when it came to pay the bill, John admitted he had no money to pay for his meal. Sure his bill was less than five dollars, but still! I was pretty much put off by the whole situation.

The next day John calls me. Here’s pretty much how the conversation went:

ME: Hello.

JOHN: I...s...s Si...d...d...n...n...ey

(I guess the stuttering wasn’t a nervous thing after all.)

ME: This is her.

JOHN: Hi. I h...had a g..g..ood time with y..ou y…y…est…er..d…day a…a..nd w… to y…y…ou s..s..ome…th…thing.

ME: What?

JOHN: Wh...wh...en c…c…an w…w…e h...h…h...ave s…s…sex?

SERIOUSLY??? We had one date where I was forced to pay your bill and you think I want to have sex with you? Who do you think you are, the American Gigolo? Those were the thoughts (among others that are too inappropriate to say here) swirling in my head. I can’t believe I managed not to go off on this guy. I politely said I wasn’t that type of girl and didn’t think we’d work out. John then said if I changed my mind, I could call him. I think I permanently burned his number from my brain.

NOTE: Had this guy not so blatantly asked me to have sex with him and just asked me out on a second date, I might have given him a second shot. As I mentioned earlier, he seemed nice and friendly. But apparently beneath his quiet and friendly facade, was a real freak. I do wish him success in his quest for sex.


derekd said...

*Laughing as he shakes his head* Oh, Sydney. I am so sorry. While comical with some distance, that must have been quite an unsettling experience at the time. Hopefully, you have met a few good guys along the way.

Piper said...

LMFAO! Oh, my gosh, Sidney. I have had some pretty bad ones myself and I can totally relate to your story. Thanks for sharing. Now I don't feel so alone in my dating misadventures. I laughed so hard reading that. You sure know how to brighten a Friday. I love your blog.

Kylie Frost said...

It's sounds almost unbelieveable, but I have a friend who has been single a long time and everytime i hear one of these stories I am amazed and amused. There are some real strange ones out there.I look forward to hearing more about your experiences :-)

Paisley Kirkpatrick said...

I am glad you have a good sense of humor. That guy had a lot of nerve. I was hoping he'd called you the next day to pay you for his meal. Too bad as that would have shown he a good character attributes.

Look forward to your next adventure.

Sidney Ayers said...

Derek: It was weird, for sure. Then again, when the ad is free, the freaks will flock!

Piper: This is only one small taste of the experiences I've had. Wait until the one involving a stolen car! Hah!

Kylie: I think I must have a freak magnet attached to me somewhere. Because I've had to deal with some real interesting characters. LOL

Paisley: Yes, that's what I was expecting too. However, it went a whole other direction of wrong. :)

Anonymous said...

Hope you have had better dates. But my experinces are from the other side :o)

Greta said...

But isn't it wonderful stuff when you're a writer?

Sidney Ayers said...

Ralph, I imagine there are women who are just as bad. LOL

Greta: The next story inspired one of my first attempts at a novel. LMAO :)

Barbara said...

What Greta said. Call it research and deduct both meals LOL. What an awful experience, though, Sidney. You're due for some positive meets, by now. Good luck. And good writing.

Sherry said...

Hang in there, Sidney. I have met some really nice guys. Of course they ALL want sex!!!

Maeve said...

WOW. I cringe to think what the dating world must be like right now. I've been married over thirty-two years. If I EVER get rid of this one, I'm just gonna get a cat. ;)

Sidney Ayers said...

Barbara, definite fodder for future stories. LOL

Sherry, I'm sure when I'm ready to try the dating thing again, things will be better.

Maeve, I think those crazy cat ladies aren't as crazy as we think. LOL

Karen Cote said...

Oh my dear I am soo sorry. I've been reading a lot of John E. Douglas (the man who began the behavioral unit at the FBI) and some ways to identify extraordinary behavior is noticing things like stuttering. It doesn't mean all people who stutter are serial killers but goodness... the behavior is one to be wary of, especially given this guy's approach. You are adorable and funny.(I know that for a face). It makes you a target. Be careful.

Karen Cote said...

You know I mean to put fact instead of face, right? LOL. ((hugs))

Ally Broadfield said...

LOL. I met my husband when I was nineteen and we got married right after I graduated from college, so I don't have much dating experience. That takes a lot of nerve to call and ask like that. It'd be different if he tried to make a move in person (not better, but less creepy). Yikes.

Sidney Ayers said...

Karen, I am not nearly as an easy mark as I used to be. LOL.

Ally, I know. I couldn't believe it. I just wonder how successful he was with his forwardness. LOL.

Shelley Munro said...

Oh, dear. If you actually read this in a story you'd think it was made up. I hope you've had better luck since this one!!

Vonda Sinclair said...

Oh wow! Both funny and amazing. Sorry to hear you had to go through that.

Mary said...

Way back in the day....showing my age now. The local newspaper would let post personals. I met some interesting men. None every called back. I only had to pay from my lunch once. Can't wait to read what happens next.

Chicks of Characterization said...

Oh wow, that is insane!!! The nerve of that guy, what did he think you were gonna say? "Uh yeah, big boy come on over!"

What a nut!!!

That's why I am so glad I've been out of the dating game for over 18yrs. I don't think I would know what to do!

:O) Andrea

Tiffany N. York said...

Truth is stranger than fiction. Really, you almost can't make this stuff up. Thanks for letting us have a chuckle at your expense!