Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Fwuh?

I doubt that any of the genres that I don't "get" will surprise anyone. Also, I will totally cop to being a picky, picky reader. Most of the genres I don't get are really subgenres of the Category Romance genre. Without further ado, here they are.

First off, the Zillionaire Tycoon's Super Secret Mistress of Convenience type books. I don't get them. It's not I have a problem with people having a lot of money. It's just that I probably belong in a commune or something, and I get really distracted by the uber rich hero with his private jet and his yacht and his mansion and his summer home in Greece and his tailored clothes and I think "Seriously? Why do you have all this stuff you don't need? I'm pretty sure there are whole continents of starving orphans you could feed or entire ecosystems you could save with that kind of cash. I realize that all people whether real of fictional have the right to do what they want with their piles of money, but it bugs me nonetheless.

Next on my list is the I Have a Huge Ranch but I Do Absolutely No Work On It book. In some books, it's almost like owning this huge spread is some kind of romance shorthand for "I'm rich (you can tell by my enormous, well-appointed house) and rugged (you can tell by my hand-stitched boots, Stetson and over-sized and elaborate belt buckle)." I realize that there are likely real people who have huge ranches and never set foot in a barn, but that just seems weird to me. Granted, working in a barn is smelly, dirty work, no matter how it's romanticized in cowboy books where the cowboys actually do work (which I do prefer to the aforementioned ones). While the smell of cow manure and fresh cut hay does make me nostalgic, it doesn't make me feel randy. Also, I'm just here to say that sex in the hay mown is never a good idea unless you want your characters to have hives, rashes and bug bites. So yeah, most cowboy books don't do it for me.

Then there's the ever popular My Child Has Been Kidnapped or Is Otherwise In Danger but I'm Going to Screw the Hero of This Book While Passing the Time Until the Ransom is Paid or the Rescue is Attempted. Now, I like the occasional romantic suspense. Suzanne Brockmann? Bring it on. Love the woman. However, other romantic suspense that involves children in peril while their mamas are getting it on with hero while their child is missing or in danger give me The Full-On RAGE. Seriously? You can possibly think about sex when you don't know if your child is alive or dead? You can entertain the idea of entering into a potential relationship with a guy while your child might be being abused? If my child were in danger, the last damn thing I'm going to think about is how ripped some dude's abs are or if he's good in bed. Don't care. Want my kid. Want him now.

Now, this doesn't mean I think that these books don't have value. They do to the people who love to write them and love to read them. It just means they're not for me.

2 comments:

chocoaddict said...

I have to agree with most of your turn-offs. I'd like to add one more: The hero who abuses the heroine and later says it was because he loved her so much he couldn't bear to be without her - or some other nonsense. Abuse is abuse, and he shouldn't get a second chance.

Patty K

Andrea Dickinson said...

Luved your explanations on your list, Bron! Totally fits your personality.

But myself, as a category romance fan, I still like my men ripped, gorgeous, rich, and not smelly! :D

Andrea